Looking to flirt with a girl, but you’re absolutely clueless in this regard? Will your signals be misconstrued? Are you being too presumptuous? And what if they aren’t attracted to you? In any case this has all the makings of a dilemma, but for lesbian women it can be even more so – particularly if you don’t know the sexual orientation of your target.
That’s no reason to get disheartened though, all it does is increase the challenge and thus the satisfaction when it goes right.
Flirting is a hell of a lot of fun, and done correctly it can create a great feeling of excitement and sexual tension that can help to really build an attraction for someone. However at the same time it’s also by no means easy, and unless you’re naturally confident it can be rather nerve wracking.
But HEY! Today is your lucky lesbian day because we are here to give you some tried and tested state secrets that will surely make your dreams of dating her come to life in vivid rainbow colors.
I know you’re on a mission to get her, but don’t come across as this being your only goal. You need to relax and actually, enjoy the conversation and her company. If you’re tense and very pushy to get what you want, it won’t work. If you approach her and start a conversation, be in the moment and converse with her. Don’t just push through the subject because you’re trying to relax her so you can make a move. It won’t work and you’ll end up having a crappy conversation and no result.
# Be Yourself
There are too many people trying to be someone they’re not. Be yourself. You want her to be attracted to you, not some projection of someone else. Plus, women can tell when you’re full of shit. So, it won’t get you as far as you think it will.
While you don’t have to be rolling on the floor laughing and grinning from ear to ear, do stay relaxed and smile. This doesn’t mean you should be smiling all night and forget talking. Flirty smiles must be occasional but intentional. Do not use smiling as your auto-response. You can do more than that. If she flirtatiously smiles back, then YOU ARE ON!
Tip : If you are too nervous to smile, keep in mind that she is as nervous as you are, and there is a good chance that she may just be waiting for any sort of assurance. So smile away and seal the deal!
# Be Honest and Open
It’s true and as a woman yourself, you know this. If you’re going to flirt with her, you can have an open and honest conversation with her. If you start making up a bunch of stories, she’ll know you’re lying. You’re hitting on her, so you don’t have anything to hide.
# Be Confident without being Annoying
Confidence is definitely a sexy asset. Knowing how to carry yourself is one thing that most lesbian and straight girls are attracted to. Look smart and act smart! Know your style, dress to impress, wear your best perfume, and most importantly, be comfortable with yourself and your whole self-package.
However, keep in mind that there is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Self-assurance is the root of confidence, while arrogance is the source of all cockiness. The latter is always a turn-off. Be confident without even trying!
With confidence comes looking amazing. You’ve got to be confident in what you look like and what outfit you are wearing, otherwise you won’t feel comfortable flirting!
# Say it with your Eyes
Look her in the eye when you are talking. There are endless flirting techniques you can apply, but at the end of the day they all have one thing in common: eye contact. If you don’t give someone eye contact, they’ll have no idea what you want or you’ll come off as being creepy, two things you don’t want to happen. You can give her strong eye contact and see how she reacts. Though don’t stare her down in a possessive way, that’ll just creep her out. Before you make any move on her, initiate eye contact – then go from there.
# Make a Connection
The key here is also eye contact. This may sound like a cliché, but this is the most useful flirtatious cliché in the whole flirting history! Perhaps, it is because the eyes are the most magical of all organs. Everything about you can be easily seen in your eyes, your intentions, your fears, your hopes and your dreams.
Making the right eye contact can effortlessly draw someone to you. While making the wrong eye contact or avoiding one will surely ward off someone. Don’t just keep on glancing at her. Hold your stare for at least a few seconds, and see if she will reconnect. If she does, then good job! Get up to her and start talking.
Tip: I shouldn’t be saying this, but please avoid the come-and-get-me look!
# Be Smart
Being too smart can either make or break your flirting strategy. Remember what I said about being confident vis-a-vis being arrogant? Conversely, you don’t need to be a straight A student to impress a girl. You just need to know how to strike a balance between showing her that you have something worthy between your ears, instead of telling her that you are way too smart and she’s not. Just imagine how hard it is to date the female version Sheldon Cooper!
# Leave the Cheesy pickup lines
Regardless of sexual orientation, no woman can stand a cheesy pickup line. It doesn’t work, okay, it may, but the odds are low. Don’t use the “oh, did you fall from heaven line” or anything in that nature. You may be thinking then how do you start a conversation with her, well, keep it simple. You can use things around you to start a conversation, maybe a band is playing, so make a comment about it. Or, you can just go up to her and say hi. So many people think you need this grand introduction, but you don’t. Plus, she’ll notice that you’re different than others
# Get her Talking
You can start the conversation by introducing yourself. Warning: remember not to overdo this, never be a parrot. Ask her name, where she’s from, there are a hundred other things to talk about. Begin with something she obviously likes such as her interests, hobbies, music or movie preferences, to get her talking.
At first, avoid delicate matters such as past relationships, heartbreaks and erotic sex like you’re some kind of a maniac who can’t wait to get laid, unless it is indeed your plan. Lesbians do like sex, but sex talk might not be a good choice to jumpstart a discussion.
Appear spontaneous, although deep in your mind, you may be thinking that you should have memorized Webster’s or Britannica or grabbed a copy of dummies guide to flirting from Amazon. It’s bad enough to think too much, and it is far worse to look like you’re thinking too much.
Loosen up, ladies! Charm your way into her heart! And oh, do not forget to say nice things and a couple of sincere compliments too! Girls love compliments!
# Don’t load her up with Compliments
Okay, it’s true, everyone love compliments, however, not when someone is pulling them out of a bag. Whatever you’re going to say to her, you have to be genuine about it. If you think she has beautiful eyes, tell her that. However, don’t go listing off things just to impress her. Women are very aware and intuitive when it comes to someone just trying to get into their pants. This isn’t the first time someone complimented her on her hair or lips, so, she’ll know if you’re bullshitting.
# Ask her questions
Flirting is about building sexual tension, but to do that, you have to be genuinely interested in her. Ask her questions, get to know her. How else will you know what kind of woman she is and what she likes? Don’t just assume, ask. Keep the questions open-ended so she’ll be able to expand on the answer. Yes or no questions don’t move the conversation forward.
# Find out what makes her Laugh
Humor goes a long way in cutting the tension and loosening both of you up. Make her laugh, but if you can’t then laugh at her jokes.
# Be responsive, Retain information
This will undoubtedly make every woman feel that they are extra special. Forgetting her answers to your previous questions or asking the same questions repeatedly is a major don’t in every girl’s book. In the same vein, being unresponsive conveys signs of indifference or half-heartedness.
Tip: Do not be boring. Participate and pay much attention. If you really like her, this shouldn’t be a problem at all.
# Observe how she reacts to your nearness
When you’re out together, try to sit near her. Notice if she moves closer or farther away. When you’re sitting on a couch and your thighs touch, what does she do? Does she let it stay, or inch away?
Tip: Point out something that needs to be whispered about! This way you have to lean in and get closer to her. When you get closer, she’ll be able to smell your perfume plus who doesn’t like being close to the person they’re flirting with?
# Watch her body
Well… you’re probably already doing that, but I don’t mean check her out. You need to keep your eyes on her body language and pick up on any hints that she’s interested in you. She may always be readjusting her outfit, which means she’s either trying to improve her appearance for you or bring your eyes to a specific area of her body. If she isn’t laughing or smiling, this is also a pretty good hint that she’s not enjoying the conversation between you two. So, don’t just look for the positives, also keep your eyes out for negative reactions.
# Don’t underestimate the power of touch
If you’re sitting across from each other, gently put your hand on hers. But you’ll have to do this carefully. You cannot invade someone’s personal space. Instead, if you touch her arm when she makes a joke, gauge her reaction and see if she allows it. You don’t want any problems to occur. Keep your touching to a minimum and in appropriate areas of her body like her arms, for instance. If she likes it, she’ll let you touch her or she’ll touch you back. Don’t move it away unless she does or if she signals that it’s making her uncomfortable.
# Make moves
Now, you don’t have to grab her and start making out with her right away. But you’ll want to make small moves and gauge her interest in you. But don’t rush, you’re building the sexual tension, it takes time. You can hold her hand, rub her arm or leg, touch her neck – these gestures build the sexual tension very easily – that is if she likes you.
# Subtlety matters
We totally get the fact that you are into her, as in really into her, but it doesn’t mean you should undo your bra or your zipper to get her attention. Flaunting your promiscuity may not work at all times. Bear in mind that you are trying to flirt with a lesbian, not a slut. It is okay to be bold and suggestive, but do it the right way.
# Take your time
Think of this like starting a car in winter. You need to warm up the engine before you drive the car. Women need time to become sexually aroused (You already know that). Plus, it’s more enjoyable if you take your time and build the tension slowly. If you two end up sleeping together, it’ll be mind blowing since you’ve built up to the event. So, don’t rush. If you two spend hours simply rubbing each other’s arms, that’s okay. This isn’t a race.
# Move the Conversation on to Sex and Dating
One way to generally ensure that things get exciting and a little hotter under the collar is just to move the conversation to talk about dating and relationships.
# Drop Hints
Obviously you should drop hints that you like the other person – that’s what flirting is.
“It all depends on the girl you like, and how she responds.”
There’s nothing like having someone flirt with you to boost your self-esteem. Even when you don’t feel the same attraction, finding that someone thinks you’re interesting and worth the effort can be delightful. It can be subtle or overt, over the top or just under the surface. As long as the flirting is respectful and positive, this part of the human courting dance is (usually) fun. When done properly, flirting helps the electricity build between the two of you in the beginning stages of your relationship and keeps things fun as time passes.
“Flirting is the art of showing a person that you are interested in them in a suggestive and subtle manner, without being too needy and desperate. It is a skill, just like any other, that takes much practice. And when we say practice, we simply mean practice by actually doing it and learning from every attempt.”